What I Said:

William had finished his the 8th swimming lesson yesterday, he won the achievement of 8 times in one month. I designed a certificate to award to him for his successful completion. Due to his efforts, we got more 8 times for free. It’s not a little money, whatever at least more than 200 RMB per lesson. And we received a bonus package of this round course purchasing, a bobble of MaoTai and a set of expensive cosmetics, total about 3,000 RMB. That’s really a good start for us. We worked hardly and had lucky so we got these packages.

ChatGPT’s Revision:

William finished his 8th swimming lesson yesterday, completing 8 lessons in one month. To celebrate his achievement, I designed a certificate to award him for successfully completing the course. Thanks to his efforts, we earned 8 more lessons for free. That’s no small amount—each lesson costs over 200 RMB. On top of that, we also received a bonus package a few days ago: a bottle of MaoTai and an expensive cosmetics set, worth around 3,000 RMB in total. It’s a great start for us. We worked hard and got lucky, which brought us these rewards.

Fixes and Explanations:

  • “William had finished his the 8th swimming lesson yesterday” → “William finished his 8th swimming lesson yesterday”

    “Had finished” isn’t necessary here; simple past tense (“finished”) works better. Removed “his the” for grammatical correctness.

  • “he won the achievement of 8 times in one month” → “completing 8 lessons in one month”

    Rephrased for smoother and more natural expression.

  • “I designed a certificate to award to him for his successful completion” → “I designed a certificate to award him for successfully completing the course”

    “Award him for” is more concise than “award to him for.”

  • “Due to his efforts, we got more 8 times for free” → “Thanks to his efforts, we earned 8 more lessons for free”

    Rephrased for a smoother and more positive tone. Changed “got more 8 times” to “earned 8 more lessons.”

  • “It’s not a little money, whatever at least more than 200 RMB per lesson” → “That’s no small amount—each lesson costs over 200 RMB”

    Simplified for clarity and grammar. “That’s no small amount” is a natural way to emphasize the value.

  • “Another side we received a bonus package of purchasing several days ago” → “On top of that, we also received a bonus package a few days ago”

    “On top of that” is more conversational than “another side.” Rephrased for clarity.

  • “a bobble of MaoTai and a set of expensive cosmetics” → “a bottle of MaoTai and an expensive cosmetics set”

    Corrected “bobble” to “bottle” and simplified the phrasing.

  • “That’s really a good start for us. We worked hardly and had lucky so we got these packages” → “It’s a great start for us. We worked hard and got lucky, which brought us these rewards”

    “Worked hardly” corrected to “worked hard.” Simplified “had lucky” to “got lucky” for natural phrasing.